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I’m a sex worker, just like you.

I inspire and educate sex workers who are looking to grow their business with unique marketing tools and proven strategies. I understand the struggle of trying to build a business as a sex worker, so I deliver resources that will help you live more and work less.

I'm Amelia – the Organised Escort

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Why I Think Escort Review Sites Suck

By Amelia P

At the beginning of my escorting career, I was told escort review websites were an essential facet of marketing. So naturally, being the savvy businesswoman I am, I focused my attention on them. I signed up to the forums, I interacted with clients in the chat rooms, and I thanked them when they posted reviews. Sure, sometimes I thought the clients on these websites were crude, but this was essential to my business, right?

Somewhere along the way, I had a lunch date booked with a client visiting my city for business. He let me know that he was a website forum member and that he would post a review after our date. “No problem! xoxo,” I texted back, eager to please. We planned out the date, and I chose a Vietnamese restaurant for lunch.

On the morning of the booking, the client texted me to let me know that his flight was delayed and asked if we could push back our lunch date by several hours. I had no other plans that day, so I was happy to oblige. Unfortunately, the changed time meant that the Vietnamese restaurant could no longer accommodate us. No biggie, I thought, and booked an Italian place instead.

The Italian restaurant was great, the client was friendly, polite and easy-to-please. He left happy, and I left with a wad of cash and stomach full of pasta – everyone wins.

After the booking, the client texted me to let me know that he had posted the review. No surprises there – he’d told me before the booking that he’d do this. What did surprise me was the caveat he added alongside the link to the review: “I know we didn’t end up going to the Vietnamese place for lunch, but I had a great line about ‘spice’ that I wanted to include in the review, so I took a bit of creative license.”

I remember reading his text message and thinking, “Huh?”

What was the point of him lying in the review about where we went to lunch? Lying for who? Did he really think the dudes on the review board cared about his creative prose and spice metaphors? Wasn’t this review supposed to be about promoting my business, not about him getting off on writing erotic fiction?

Sure enough, in the review, he said we dined at a Vietnamese restaurant and referenced us having spice at lunch and something even spicier in the bedroom. But that wasn’t where his creative interpretation of the booking stopped.

As I read through the review, I squinted before scrolling back to the top of the page to ensure the review was, in fact, about me. The flowery descriptions about the many sex positions we allegedly tried and my supposed dirty talk confused me. None of what he had written had actually happened.

For starters, there were NO sex positions because he was lazy af. He laid flat on his back in the bedroom while I gave him a hand job. And to be fair, this wouldn’t usually bother me, except that he had written paragraphs upon paragraphs about what a ~sex god~ he was. Seriously, was he delusional?

Secondly, I have never dirty talked in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against dirty talk. I just absolutely SUCK at it. Whenever I attempt to dirty talk, I dissolve into a pile of giggles and completely ruin the mood. It’s just not my jam. So, his review and his description of me engaging in full-on dirty talk really perplexed me.

Was he thinking of a booking with someone else? Was he even physically present at the booking we had?! Did he suffer a concussion on the way home and have complete memory loss? Perhaps the whole review more about him getting off on the IDEA of what the booking could have been like, rather than what it was really like?

As I scrolled through the comments section, I became even more confused. “Sounds awesome, thanks for taking one for the team!” commented one guy, and “I’ll definitely book her!” said another. I started to wonder… What would happen if these dudes DID book me? Would they expect me to be an expert dirty talker who could have sex in 99 different positions? And what would happen when they showed up and realised that I can’t say “slut” or “cock” without laughing?

Sure enough, that day came. And afterwards, a scathing review. A dude was upset that I didn’t provide a service (dirty talking), even though I’ve never offered dirty talking, because another dude took creative license (aka lied), and said that I offer it even though I don’t. Confused? Yeah, me too.

Over time, I cared less and less about review boards. The spice and dirty talk experience was just one of many experiences that demonstrated to me that escort reviews are rarely accurate.

And that scathing review? Sure, it hurt my feelings at the time. It definitely didn’t feel great. But at the end of the day, my business didn’t suffer and bookings still rolled in.

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