When I started The Organised Escort, I thought about this a lot. Should I reveal who I am? Will people trust me if I don’t say who I am? How do I balance my desire for privacy with my desire to share my knowledge of the industry?
I understand the curiousity about my identity. But more than that, I know how difficult it is to trust someone who won’t reveal their identity.
If you’ve been in the industry for more than a hot second, you’ll know that there is a new escort directory every five seconds that claims it’s the next big thing. These faceless businesses bulldoze their way into the industry, attempting to prey on sex workers by demanding big dollars for an ad on a website on the 49th page of Google.
NO WONDER we are sceptical. It’s part of our job, and it keeps us safe while we work. Being sceptical is a skill we have honed as sex workers.
Keeping this in mind, I knew that starting a blog and a business in the industry would be difficult if I remained faceless. I knew that I would like to sell resources that would help sex workers grow their businesses at some stage. I love blogging, and I think providing free content is incredibly important, but I also knew that it would not be sustainable or realistic to put endless unpaid labour into the blog (I love the blog, but a girl’s also gotta eat). At the same time, I knew that if I busted onto Twitter touting resources and demanding money that sex workers wouldn’t trust me (and with good reason). I have never wanted to look like I’m selling snake oil – on the contrary, I feel so passionate about sharing the resources that have helped me succeed in the industry.
Knowing this, I asked myself, should I reveal who I am?
While gaining the sex work community’s trust is vital, I also had to think of myself. I have a career outside of sex work that I have studied hard for. My partner also has a career that he has worked extremely hard for. I never, ever want to jeopardise the life we have built together outside of the industry. Tor this reason, I will always vehemently protect my privacy. But keeping my identity out of the public eye isn’t something that only benefits me.
I thought about how revealing my sex work persona would impact what I would share. If I revealed my identity, would I feel confident in being 100% honest on the blog? Would I feel comfortable sharing information about my relationship and my personal life? How could I be raw and open in the way I wanted to be if I was always worried about clients reading this information?
I talk about marketing and branding a lot on the blog, and the information I share on the blog about myself is vastly different than the way I brand my escort persona for the client gaze. I was afraid that if I censored myself to align with my escort persona, the blog’s value would be lost. I feel that sex workers connect with the blog because I share my true opinions in this space. I didn’t want to lose this by having to censor myself for the client gaze.
I also want to say this: I am not a world-famous escort. So, when I have thought about revealing my identity, I wondered what value it would really have to others. I don’t have hundreds of thousands of Twitter followers (in fact, I don’t even have Twitter for my escort persona anymore). I’m not a household name in the industry like Stormy Daniels or Sasha Grey. I rarely advertise anymore. You’ve probably never even heard of me.
My escort persona isn’t about fame or reviews or TV interviews. My escort persona is built on hard work, dedication to my business, and the relationships I’ve built with my regular clients. I make a 6-figure income as an escort, and I have worked hard to create a sustainable business model that works for me while keeping my head on straight and retaining my privacy and ‘normal’ life. THAT’S what I want to share and teach. And with that in mind, I’m not sure what value the knowledge of my persona would add to my teachings.
It wasn’t an easy decision, but I ultimately decided it was best to remain faceless.
I wanted to protect my privacy and my life outside of the industry.
I didn’t want to have to dilute my opinions because of the gaze of clients.
And most of all, I wanted to provide true, real, raw and valuable information for sex workers.