We’re in the business of intimate relationships, so it is no surprise that sometimes things get, well, intimate.
We construct these perfect personas that can become the ideal ‘girlfriend’ to our clients. We are attentive and caring, endlessly empathic and patient… We laugh at all their jokes and listen intently to their stories… We are sexually available, erotic and attuned to their sexual needs… All on paid time, of course.
A part of me can acknowledge that it is entirely human for clients to get sucked into the trap of falling for the personas we construct.
But, as understandable as it may be, it can still be frustrating as hell.
A part of me has always found clients’ professions of love frustrating because it feels as though they are disregarding who I really am. They are splitting off and ignoring the parts of me that exist outside the walls of my incall and the table of our dinner date. They are forgetting that I am a living, breathing human with my own wants and needs. To me, the lack of insight on the part of the client feels dehumanising. To me, these professions of love are as false as loving a character on a TV show.
But not every infatuated client ‘falls in love’ in this way. Some clients become infatuated but can maintain insight that this is a paid fantasy and enjoy it for what it is. But I acknowledge that this is a difficult task – holding these two different realities in mind is not something we generally do outside of the world of escorting.
I’ve been asked what you should do when clients become infatuated or ‘fall in love’. And to be honest, it’s not an easy question to answer.
It’s always best to be proactive rather than reactive, setting boundaries at the start rather than trying to claw boundaries back into place after months of seeing a client. My mantra is longevity over short-term gain. Though I may lose some bookings due to my firm boundaries, I prefer this because it means I don’t end up burnt out or emotionally drained.
If the client is enjoying themselves and not pushing boundaries, what is there really for you to do? I sometimes find this hard to sit with, because as I said, I can find the lack of insight dehumanising. So, you need to weigh up whether what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
One way of dealing with this has been to change the type of bookings I am offering. I find clients are more likely to become infatuated and attached when I am offering longer GFE-style dates. If you find the ‘falling in love’ type of client difficult to manage, it may be better for you to switch up your marketing and offer shorter dates. I find one-hour bookings far less emotionally draining than overnights. (And it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll make less money – you’ll make the most money when you aren’t burnt out! Longevity over short-term gain, always).
If you have a client who is starting to push boundaries, it’s time for you to make a decision. You may want to have a conversation with the client and restate your boundaries. However, to be honest, I have found this rarely works. Once the spell of infatuation is broken by the idea of real-life, clients tend to become defensive, shut down and withdraw. It’s hard enough to set boundaries in a real-life relationship with problematic patterns, let alone a paid companionship relationship. For me, it has always been best to end relationships with clients when they become ‘too much’ – it’s best for my mental health, which makes it best for my business.
So, my biggest advice is:
– Set your boundaries from the start
– Aim for longevity over short-term gain – you may lose a booking or client because you have firm boundaries, but if you continually neglect your boundaries, you’ll end up burnt out and unable to work.