As an escort, tours can be excellent. The high of a new city and stacks of cash is GOOD.
But tours can also really suck. Especially if work is quiet and you’re stuck in a crappy hotel room. You’re too scared to leave the room because you know as soon as you venture out your phone will go NUTS with enquiries.
After a few days of minimal sunlight and only interacting with clients, you can start to feel like you are losing the plot.
So, what should you do when you’re feeling down on tour?
I know, I know. It’s the last thing you feel like doing. I’m not saying you need to do Tough Mudder. Just move your body a little bit. Go for a walk around the city, watch Netflix on the treadmill, jump in the hotel pool for a few laps, or do a yoga class on YouTube. You’ll feel better for it, I promise.
Realising that you’re lonely can feel scary, shameful and self-defeating. And this is magnified if your tour is unusually quiet. I’ve been at the point where I start questioning everything – maybe I’ll never get a booking again. Maybe I’m just old and ugly and worthless now, and I’ll never make money ever again. Maybe I should just give up. Yup. Been there, done that.
Instead of bottling all your feelings up to the point where they start bubbling over, and you’re left contemplating your entire existence, try expressing them by writing them down. Expressing your feelings can be the beginning of releasing them.
When I am feeling lonely, irritated about work and generally down, I find getting a massage to be beneficial. It’s nice to have someone touch and pamper me in a nonsexual way that is relaxing and safe. It allows me to get out of my work headspace for a short while and reconnect with myself physically and mentally.
If you have sex worker friends in the city you are touring, reach out! Ask if they’d like to catch up for coffee, dinner or a walk. A bit of face-to-face contact with people who GET IT can make ALL the difference.
If you’re in a new city, it might be helpful to reach out and make some new friends. Post a Tweet or Instagram story asking if any sex workers in that city would like to catch up for a coffee – you’ll find that we are a friendly bunch!
You can also Google the city name + ‘peer sex work organisation’ and see if there are any meetups while you’re in town.
Not up for hanging out with friends? That’s okay. Why not take yourself out? Sit down at a café with a magazine and enjoy a coffee before you start work for the day. If it’s a quiet workday, you might like to visit an art exhibition or see a movie.
It might feel odd doing things on your own at first if you’re not used to it. But trust me, it’s better than sitting by yourself in a hotel room for days.
It’s normal to feel lonely and down sometimes. It happens to EVERYONE. But if this happens to you frequently while touring for work, it might be time to get curious and ask yourself some questions. Why do you think you end up feeling this way? Are there any changes you could make to ease the loneliness while touring in the future (e.g., touring for 3 nights instead of 4)?
Photo by Unsplash.
Disclaimer: I cannot, and do not, speak for all sex workers. I speak from my experience of working in a legal brothel and as an independent escort in Australia. Where possible I try to be inclusive. However, I can’t relay every experience of sex work – especially if I haven’t experienced it myself.
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