When I started working as an independent escort, I didn’t have a clue about anything. I went from working with other women every day to being completely out on my own. The transition to working as an independent escort was HARD. I wish I’d known some of these things upfront.
When I started working as an independent escort, I was living alone. This meant that most days, the only human contact I had was with clients or the checkout lady at the supermarket. It was very different from interacting with colleagues on and off throughout the day, and it got real old, real fast. Keeping dedicated working hours is important, but it’s also important to dust off those cobwebs, step outside your apartment into the sunshine, and interact with human beings who aren’t paying for your presence. You need to make an active effort to see friends and family weekly, even if you feel like you don’t want to.
As a new independent escort, I was isolated, lonely and hungry for connection. I didn’t have any friends who worked independently and felt like I couldn’t discuss this facet of my work with anyone. At this time, I turned to online escort review forums to get my fix. I interacted with clients on these forums, definitely overshared about my personal life, and took far too much advice from people who didn’t have my best interests at heart.
And that’s the critical thing to remember here: someone who is paying for your time WILL NOT have your best interests at heart.
I know what it’s like to feel lonely and disconnected. If you are feeling this way, I encourage you to make connections with other sex workers rather than relying on clients for education on the industry or business advice. Invite a sex worker in your area to have a coffee or wine with you, or attend an industry meet-up (Google ‘sex worker peer organisation’ along with your city name).
You’re having a quiet week. The phone isn’t ringing. Your inbox is on zero. It’s lunchtime, and you’re still laying in bed with greasy hair and dirty pajamas. As you stuff another handful of chips in your mouth when you see a Twitter post by another escort in your city… She’s on a 5-day vacation with a client in the Maldives and is showing off the Cartier bracelet ‘Mr X’ so thoughtfully gifted her on their last night together. Champagne and caviar are arranged beautifully on the table in the background, her Louboutins artfully showing just a peep of the red sole in the corner of the frame.
Wow. She’s on a 5-day booking with designer gifts in tow, and you can’t even get annoying ‘Avail now?’ text from a timewaster. In fact, you’ll probably never work again. Who would book you, when there are escorts like THAT out there?!
Been there, done that.
As an independent escort, playing the comparison game will kill your self-esteem and provoke anxiety. Playing the comparison game is also ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS because the sex industry does not reflect reality. Anybody can post anything on the internet, and they do. Just because someone is posting that Mr X got them a Cartier bracelet doesn’t mean Mr X actually got them a Cartier bracelet. It’s important to remember that escort personas are just that: PERSONAS. Escort personas are made up. They are fictional characters. When we create these characters, we present the best version of ourselves. Comparing yourself to the highlight reel of someone else’s fictional escort persona is especially pointless because that escort probably doesn’t even live the life her social media portrays.
When you’re feeling like this, you need to step away from the internet, turn off your phone and take a break (for a minute, an hour, a day, a week – whatever you can manage). Do something just for YOU – don’t Tweet about it, don’t photograph it, don’t tell a client about it. Keep it for yourself, and remind yourself that you are a valuable and important person.
Flexible hours are a great benefit of sex work. When you aren’t in the office 9-to-5, you can do your grocery shopping in the middle of the day on a Monday if it tickles your fancy, and you can finally attend that elusive 3pm gym class. However, the flip side is that without motivation, flexible hours can turn into sleeping until the middle of the day on a Monday and doing a 3pm donut run, and then feeling too gross to see clients. And without anyone to keep you accountable, one pajama day can turn into two pajama days, which can quickly turn into many more.
Motivation really is the key to being a successful independent escort. Having dedicated work hours, a daily routine (even on days you don’t have face-to-face bookings!), and solid goals will ensure you stay on track.
Image by Unsplash.
Disclaimer: I cannot, and do not, speak for all sex workers. I speak from my experience of working in a legal brothel and as an independent escort in Australia. Where possible I try to be inclusive. However, I can’t relay every experience of sex work – especially if I haven’t experienced it myself.
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